My Weakness

Here is my weakness as a mom (and as a person) that I need to work on:
when I have a recurring problem with someone/something I have a really hard time beginning to face the problem with a fresh attitude each time it begins anew. For instance lets say one of my children has struggled in math for Y E A R S. I have been making up practice work for specific skills, drilling math facts, paying for tutoring, trying to let him handle the problem, finding workbooks, checking extra work... and on and on and on. And it seems like things get under control only to have grades drop 3 weeks later or as soon as the skill set changes to something different. And instead of starting fresh with "how are we going to work on this?" I tumble immediately into "Didn't we just spend hours and hours getting you caught up? Why are we back in the same place?" At points I have given up the battle and handed it over to D and that helps a bit, but I just can't seem to stop from feeling like I am ramming my head into the same wall over and over. It's not just the math thing either. With other kids it has been sleep issues or potty training or other things. It just hit me again today as the fourth year of battling with math is beginning and I am not sure I have the energy to put into it. I know I have to, but right now it looks like a daunting task. I need to find a way to attack recurring problems with a fresh outlook. Any advice?
love and hugs, B

Thankful Thursday Again

A quick post on thankful Thursday....
I am thankful that the week and the quilts I am working on are all almost complete. Can't wait for cooler weather this weekend and perhaps planting a tree and some flowers for winter color.
I am also thankful that our neighborhood here is so terrific and that the kids have ended their hibernating due to super hot weather; the older boys have been enjoying kickball after school every day and are making some good friends.

I have discovered over the past couple of weeks that I am a PC, not a Mac. Having horrible problems adjusting to the fruit based programs. I know the platform is supposed to be geared toward more creativity, but I am ready to toss the new system out the window. After 15 minutes messing around with trying to write a post I switched to the laptop and am whizzing right through. I have to find a cord every time I want to upload pics to the computer? You're kidding right? I have not even begun to explore how to print something since of course getting a writing program (think Word) on the tablet is a whole different adventure. I think I need to take some of my "lunch breaks" (the 20 minutes I take at lunch to surf the internet and relax while I eat) and dedicate them to trying to make peace with the new computer and get used to it. I would rather learn a new sewing machine than learn a new computer. At points I have had to step back since I found myself nearly punching the touch screen instead of tapping it gently.
I am vowing to have pics in a post soon. We went apple picking last weekend and I think I have some good shots. I will make that my computer learning assignment for the next few days--- I will use the new computer to upload pics and publish them to a post. Wish me and the computer luck---one of us is going to need it.
love and hugs and I hate that learning something new is making me feel so old and set in my ways. B

Race To Nowhere

This post does not have paragraph breaks-- cannot figure out how to get them in--sorry. I hit return but it will not create a new paragraph. This is a venting post about education. I have some experience in this area. I went to public schools K-12 (over 4 different states), attended a public university where I got my BS in early childhood education. I taught in private and parochial schools for 6 and a half years (that first half year was the biggest learning experience). I have friends who taught in public, private and parochial schools. My children have attended church preschools, public preschools, and public elementary schools. We have had a variety of experiences and learned that even when you are in one of the best schools in a state, if the state standards are pitiful it doesn't count for anything. You can be in a "not great" school , but have the most superb teacher ever and learn bunches. You can be in a terrific school with fantastic teacher and the child simply can't keep up and has a "struggling hard" experience. E came into our current school district last year struggling and had such a supportive team of teachers that he was motivated to catch up and with all their help and lots of work at home he not only caught up but blew the top off of a couple of the end of the year tests and found his first true love: american history. This is where my background lies-- setting the stage for the post, stick with me. There is an independent film out right now called "Race to Nowhere". I haven't seen it yet, but hope to. It was shown to the elementary teachers at inservice and homework policies at our school are now being based on it. The premise of the film is that with a 6 hour school day plus hours of homework plus outside activities that kids don't have time to just be kids. That the pressure of all these things is creating an environment of overstressed kids whose mental health is compromised and who burn out at a younger age. Also, that the learning is simple rote memorization and long lasting learning and deep thinking/problem solving is not being developed in the youngest generations. I can see what the film is saying; one of the reasons we live where we currently do is because had we moved to the strongest school system in our area E may not have made it. The pressure in that area is tremendous to be perfect and do all the extracurricular activities (not the right ones-- all of them). E needed a gentle re-entry to real school. Homework amounts can get heavy; hours spent outside the classroom on elementary assignments are outrageous. The responsibility for the pressure and for the solution doesn't lie only on the shoulders of the school though. Who could help the child keep the importance of grades in perspective? Who signed them for a regimented activity every day after school? Who sets the schedule after school for getting assignments completed? Yes, parents have to be part of the solution to the problem. Kids need unstructured time to just be kids. Unstructured play time (not team soccer, team baseball, ballet class, lessons of some sort) teaches children to find friends to play with, how to join a group of friends who are already playing, organize a game, include others (even when you don't want to), how to handle not being included, how to entertain yourself when others aren't around, and the list could go on and on. These skills are not developed in class or in adult run sports/arts programs. So I agree with the premise of the "Race to Nowhere". I am holding my breath to see how the school goes about reducing homework and making the homework it does give more relevant to real learning. What I fear may happen is that the baby gets thrown out with the bathwater and homework itself will be pushed aside. Homework assignments are important. Homework gives students a chance to try out their new skills and show what they know or where they get stuck in a new process. Homework at the very least teaches children to take home an assignment, do something with it, and return it to school. Homework helps kids hone their study skills and find their learning style. Without homework kids would also be missing certain key skills and finding out about themselves. Homework is the place people first learn if they have to study a lot (me) or can walk in on test day and ace it (won't point any fingers, but he knows who he is). We really don't want our children to win the race to nowhere by ending up with a subpar education that leaves them nowhere after 12 years of education. Homework is an integral part of education. To wrap up the post, the "Race to Nowhere" idea is a good point of view to explore, but solutions need to lie at both home and school. One side can't take the whole problem upon themselves and expect to solve it. School can't give up homework thinking it solves everything (parents can easily fill that time with video games or more structured activities). Parents have to take the message to heart and not just enjoy less homework, but look at how their child's time outside of school is scheduled (or overscheduled) and make sure to carve out some time for kids to just be kids on their own without parent interference. I haven't posted in a while so maybe this makes up for it. Not perfectly written but at least I wrote something finally. love and hugs and have a beautiful weekend, B

I Tried to Blog Today...

and it got eaten by the internet somehow. Sorry. Will try again tomorrow. love and hugs, B

Breakthroughs for E

E had several cool breakthroughs this week: He helped a new boy from our neighborhood (and is in his class) by hanging out with him at the bus stop, introducing him to others on the bus, walking with him to class, and sitting with him at lunch. Doesn't seem like much but E has a scarcity mentality about friends and worries that introducing someone new to one of his current friends will cause the old friend to abandon him for the newer friend. He also helped a younger child from his bus who was lost on the way to class. On Wednesday I was completely shocked when out of the blue E said: Mom thanks for making me do those pages during the summer-- I knew the answers today and no one else did so I got to raise my hand and answer a lot. Raising his hand to answer in class is a benefit of having a child who likes all the attention all the time. I will be arrested for the final breakthrough if E's 4th grade math teacher finds out what I have done. Last year before the students began learning long division a letter was sent home telling us they would be learning a new way and parents were not allowed to help the students at home and the "old method" should not be introduced to the kids. We had to sign and return it with our pledge not to show them the "old fashioned way". Thus began a journey through a math chapter where parents could see a clear way, but had to let the kids struggle through the new math way where the work that went into it took twice as long. Well, with a new grade beginning and no signed agreement in place (yet) I stepped out and showed E the "old way" to do long division this week. I actually saw the light go on and a look of amazement cross his little face when he saw that there was an easy way to do what he had been taught to do in a million different steps. And he got every problem after that right without using 4 extra pages to do the work. Sometimes Mom does know best. love and hugs and sorry about not having paragraph breaks-- different computer and I am trying to figure out how to make it work,B

New School Year

The last few weeks of summer were much busier than they were supposed to be... church camp followed by short beach trip followed by family in town followed by hurricane prep followed by storm clean up and power outage concluding with a Labor Day weekend ending the summer with home improvement project and neighborhood cookout. Wow! I have so looked forward to the first week of school when the kids would go back to friends and learning and out of my hair and I would have 3 hours every morning to do whatever I chose to do on my schedule. And yet the first week of school is nearly done and I am no longer excited about any of those little projects. I got the whole house clean on Tuesday and then all my excitement just gave out. I am not in the mood to organize anything or make that quilt or plant and am not even getting up to get a walk around the neighborhood before the day begins. Maybe motivation and inspiration will hit me next week. I hope so because I am really tired of being a total slacker. Thankful Thursday (look everybody-- it's something I am actually following through with) I am very thankful that all three boys are enjoying their classes. E seems to like his teacher and has worked through the disappointment of not having friends from last year in his class. G looks forward to each day though he hasn't said anything specific that he likes. M keeps calling his new teacher by his old teacher's name; she has already complimented him on his happy demeanor and good behavior so I am wondering if maybe she has me confused as some other little boy's mom. love and hugs, B

After Irene

So Hurricane Irene came and went with lots of wind, a bit of rain, and enough damage to cause power outages all over the east coast. I spent the storm at my parents house since my dad was out of town and my mom was alone on a very wooded lot. Exciting and frightening to watch the trees in those gusts. Mom and I were good caretakers though and did not lose a single whole tree on their lot. D and the boys were also safe and while no trees went down on our lot there was a very large oak that went down across the creek and took 4 other good size trees out on the way down.
The day after the storm is when the clean up and real fun started. Both houses were without power or cable and D could not get cell service at our house. Once we got in touch he gathered frozen food worth saving and brought it to my parents where Mom and I (with a little help) got the generator started. Thanks Mom and Dad for loaning space in your deep freezer to save a bit of food!
Daily life became a bit different without power and I took a few pics to help you remember how lucky you are to have electricity.
Here is our family lighting center. Happy that it doesn't get dark until 8 so soon after dark the kids are asleep anyway. Must get a battery operated camping lantern--- a winter power outage would have been harder with darkness setting in around 5pm.

Next steps show dish washing in its old fashioned form. We do have a gas stove so once we lit it with a match we could heat water (or food). Boil water; add part to sink and make one pot the rinsing station. Washes dishes and air dry--- if you towel dry then you have to deal with wet towels that cannot be easily washed and dried for the next day's dish washing.

Here is our fridge airing out so it doesn't get musty. It was a nice chance to give it a good cleaning.

Our smaller temporary fridge. It made life a bit simpler since there weren't really lots of choices for the kids to make. We did eat breakfast and dinners at home using the grill or the stove to cook things.

Here are the boys. They look like they are suffering. I think they liked the power outage. They don't play their video games all that much and made up lots of games with their baseball cards or did art projects or read or played outside with kids that have been hooked to their electronics all summer. They did miss TV. Luckily it was cool enough outside that having windows open was pleasant and to sleep at night they loved all of us piling in the basement together. D and I didn't like sleeping all the in the same room and it reaffirmed our belief that co-sleeping is not for us.

Here is the one item that was going to be a problem if the electricity was out much longer. Laundry. Not too shabby for 4 days. We completely caught up before the storm since we knew this would be the one piece of the aftermath that would be hard to work out if power was out.

I will wrap up with my Thankful Thursday reflections: I am very thankful that family and friends made it through the storm safely. I am also thankful that the boys had the chance to live without electricity for a few days so they could see that life can continue and you can learn to make due with what you have. Also very thankful that my boys are getting old enough to recognize that a little bump in the road like no power is just that --a little temporary bump-- and they are flexible enough to take it on as an adventure.

love and hugs and have a great weekend! B