I have been thinking about this post for a while, but haven't written it because it comes off preachy and perfect and holier than thou. This is not written with one person in mind, it is general feelings I have been having lately. I thought about creating a new anonymous blog to rant about things that drive me crazy and then I thought perhaps a disclaimer at the beginning would help: I am not perfect at parenting. I am learning as I go. E is a guinea pig and there is no telling how many ways the poor thing is being traumatized by our parenting techniques. But this is not just about parenting-- it applies to every person. It's about how people think.(I also deny here that I know much about thinking) It is Long Term Goals.
While long term goals shouldn't be the only focus of any person's life, long term goals and long term planning should be a part of how problems are approached and how you set your sights. When I hear about different problems in people's lives today, I think "Where exactly did they think this would put them in the end? What was that person's goal when they chose that road? Did they take time to reevaluate while traveling that road? Did they even think that they were on a road that headed somewhere?" So many problems look like the result of short term solutions and just living through today. A financial example: how many people in my generation are actively and accurately saving for retirement? Some think Social Security will still exist when they retire and some just asked what retirement is and some said they will save later. Well, later you should be retiring so if you don't save now you won't get to. Social Security (if it still exists) will probably not maintain your current lifestyle. But if I save for retirement I won't get to ______ fill in the blank (buy every hot new gadget, buy lots of clothes, have a house too big for me, etc) and it means I have to sacrifice something (having the hottest whatever) and I am not into delayed gratification....I want it now. There are a lot of different examples of the same kind of thought pattern: Health -why can't I lose the 15 pounds? Well, I love girl scout cookies and Coke and hate sweating, but I would sure love a longer more active life. It is not just financial goals, but all different areas of life where people put off whatever seems unpleasant or too hard or too much work. What concerns me is the example it sets for kids.
Kids are watching their parents' instant gratification mentality and learning it. Worse than that they benefit from it (unless you are already thinking long range and realize they will be victims of it). When a kid says "I want" the parents get it, because it is easier and faster than saying no and sticking to it. When a kids says "why" parents can answer for just the present or give them a longer vision of how it will effect their lives. For E right now he is struggling in math. In the short term we are trying to get his skills up to speed so he can get to 4th grade comfortably. In the long term these are skills he will use every day for the rest of his life; try to get through a day without math---impossible because at some point you will look at a clock. For G the nail biting is his current goal. In the present this is to get us off his back. In the future it is so his wife and kids won't be grossed out holding his hand or he won't be embarrassed offering his hand for a handshake. For M,never mind-- there is so much to work on.
Where was all this rambling going? Long range goals, long term vision. It is important and it should be taught. It should be pointed out to children. While children shouldn't be in charge of the family long term goals, they should know that they are there. At the very least it provokes them to think about how what they do today can effect them for many tomorrows. E knows that we want him to grow up to be happy and healthy, find something as a career that not only makes him money, but also makes him happy and that he can live where he wants and create the family he wants (same goes for G and M but they are too young to really connect to it). Right now we connect that to his education, it is the ticket that he can work on to get him there. Right now D and I are trying to add more exercise to be better examples of healthy and have fun doing more active things for a long time to come. Right now we connect that we don't buy everything that crosses our path because we are saving for things in the future. Right now each kid has a savings account that they put money into from allowances and holidays; they know that when something important comes along they will get to pull a little bit out to get it. Right now they are plotting against us in saving to buy their own Wii since we won't buy them video games, so that is an example that they are understanding long range vision..........or a sign that we are about to be overthrown by an 8, 5, and 3 year old.
love and hugs and I will get down off the soapbox now and go check on the little rebels, B
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